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Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
18 March 2015 @ 11:12 pm
Just a note, if you would like to add me, please kindly identify yourself. :)

The Management
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
15 September 2014 @ 10:56 am
Where have I been?


What have I been doing?

Nothing, really.

Why am I here?

I have no fucking clue.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
08 February 2012 @ 01:07 pm
Life update: things going rather well. Am stressball of doom because I need to get taxes in order and dog licensed.

Other than that, :).
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
12 January 2012 @ 07:07 pm
Playing with political affiliations again. I don't like this game. But I've figured out who I trust.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
13 December 2011 @ 10:17 pm

it's been a long day, and i'm happy. worked eight hours at 'tarbucks, and then babysat two darling boys for a few hours while their parents went to a party.


maybe it's the cuddling babies, or it was the being busy all day, but i had no time to go to the dark place that i almost went to yesterday.


today, i am happy.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
12 December 2011 @ 08:36 pm
I think one reason I avoid livejournal is because so much of my past is embedded here. Sometimes it's beautiful. Sometimes it was very, very difficult.

It's the difficult part that I'm ignoring. So much bitterness is here. We all use this media as our confidant. We're not sure we can trust each other face to face, even though I know most of you face to face. Instead, we tell a blank page our thoughts, our secrets, the things that torture us in the dark.

Being like that sends me to the dark place. I don't like it. So I be social outside, or on facebook. Sure, it may be shallow and callous at times. But in real life, I can cry my tears and someone catches them. In real life, face to face, I can give you the embrace of love, forgiveness, acceptance - whatever you need that is not the facade of words.

However, my method of communication is different from the next person. A person may be more eloquent with the pen (or keypad) than one might be with their own lips.

I am guilty of this. I moderate what I post in all the places I post them. Here, I feel safe to rant at you all so passive-agressively, when I really shouldn't. I should have the balls to at least tell you all what I feel for you.

On tumblr, all I am is the fangirl, the one who is obsessed and fascinated with the material. On facebook, I celebrate moments. Funny moments with friends, moments of beauty in nature, moments of great self-esteem. Here, livejournal, I've been avoiding telling my secrets because I have a mind to not have any. But I have them, and I have not been telling anyone.

Forgive me for my faces. Forgive me for my lack of expression. Know that if ever I have loved you in any way, that love will always be there, despite what face I decide to wear.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
A hug from behind followed by a kiss on the neck. It’s a combination of surprise, intimacy and innocence. It’s a simple gesture that I think is very loving.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
18 November 2011 @ 07:37 pm
Sometimes, I feel like I want to move out and find a cute little, sparsely furnished apartment and live with my cousin Pinky for the next few years. We can get peppermint mochas every morning and debate movies every night.

And fight over shampoo.

And snuggle.

And tease each other about boyfriends. :D

And make fun of Holly.

Because I love loving my little cousin. She is growing into a beautiful young woman, and I don't want to miss a second of it.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
17 November 2011 @ 06:32 pm
What is your favorite Disney movie?

All the Pixar movies. Everything 1989 and on.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
16 November 2011 @ 10:21 am
If you could spend a day with any fictional character, who would it be and what would the two of you do?

I would love to have tea with Mr Tumnus. ;)
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
15 November 2011 @ 12:14 pm
Mom's reaction to tattoo designs: I do not like tattoo. That is sin. I am not a sinner. I can't even look at it.
Dad's reaction: That's really pretty. Make sure they give you enough money for it.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
13 November 2011 @ 11:43 pm
I've been wandering all around. Tumblr. Blogger. Facebook. Twitter.

And while I've adopted two new blogs, I always come back here. I think I shall never leave. I don't want to. I want to keep me here. There's so much invested here.

But I have been more absent lately. Partially because there's little to read here, except the old communities I joined. But every time it's not a community post, and it's one of you, my lovely friends, I remember why I'm here. I love reading all about you. :)

And I like whining at you. Even though you skim through it, or if you ignore it, I'm still whining about my life at you. And in theory, you're listening. And that's a comfort.

All these years, and you have been here still. So I stay. For you. For me.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
I pray that I die in the middle of my happiness. That I do not know the darkness the came behind it.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
29 October 2011 @ 12:48 am
I've almost got enough money to pay for next semester. Almost. I need $1200 It's an aggravating number. It's miniscule in the scheme of things. In my mind, I keep berating myself for things like new cell phone or Disneyland pass, my big purchases of the year.

Spring is a difficult semester to pay for. I feel like I have shorter a time to make enough money. I haven't taken any school loans since my first year of school. It's all been earned or saved money. I want to keep it that way.

One thousand, two hundred dollars means I need to make $250 a week in order to pay for tuition the day registration begins, on top of things like gas, cellphone and internet. As it is, I make $150 to $200 a week, and there are plenty of holidays coming up where I can make extra hours and tips.

I think I'm in a panic because midterms just happened, and I feel pressed for time. There's the pressure to get decent if not extraordinary grades on top of trying to get extra work. Nixy offered to get me into a second job, but I feel like that would destroy my sanity. Really, I just need to manage to make $500 that are not Sbux dollars.

I'm selling art at $20 a pop. The only heartbreak was someone with good taste eying my favorite piece. But that's twenty whole dollars closer to being able to pay for Spring. I've also been commissioned to draw Ariel, the Little Mermaid. I'm excited.

I need to set up my paypal account again. I mean, I has it, but I haven't used it for a while.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
26 October 2011 @ 11:05 pm
Sure, I woke up at 8 o'clock this morning, but the day never begins there. Around noon, I finally tore myself away from tumblr and showered.

Self-conscious about lingering at my workplace, I decided to go through our drive-thru to get my iced tea. Josh and Anthony taunted me over the speaker, and then they threw EVERYTHING into my car when I got to the window. I winced at the rain of change - all of which is still littered on the driver's side of my car, btw.

On the other side of the parking lot is the $5bookstore, one of the local business thriving over the loss of Borders. And half their staff are former Borders employees - which means I know them all. I settled into a corner and began writing that damned essay.

After accomplishing an outline and the first two solid paragraphs, my bladder and stomach simultaneously decided that relief and snack time were in order. There are no public bathrooms in the $5bookstore. There is internet. There are comfy chairs. There are millions of books. There is no where to pee. And no coffee and munchies. Back to the Sbux I went.

You know you are loved when you are greeted with, "What are you still doing here?! Go away!!"

"Shaddap! I just need to pee!" was the reply because it fits within perfectly professional behavior.

I suddenly felt like a regular again, that I had home to look forward to. That there's a me-shaped hole I can fit into wherever I go. I recreated my Borders, except that to get to coffee and a bathroom, I had to walk two minutes across a busy parking lot.

I'm still not finished with my essay at this point. Loaded with snacks and coffee, I return to the bookstore and give Sam and Kevin their coffee. Sam comments on my Harry Potter paraphernalia - I've got on Kathryn's Hufflepuff hat and my cardigan with its sewn-on Hufflepuff badge, and she starts to tear up about how the series is over. I playfully scold her for making me cry. Then I settle back into my corner. Kevin comments about how a girl with a hat just like mine was sitting there when he came in for his shift. I had to reassure him that it was me.

Closing time for the bookstore finds me with a full bladder again. I'm back at Starbucks, sitting with a store regular and her friend, still working on my essay. Nas gives me a double-take but shrugs off my third appearance at the store. Then again, he wasn't here when I first arrived. And, damn him, he tags me first this time.

I am happy.

On the edge of finishing my essay, Powers calls. He's done at work and will be in Simi soon. Soon is enough time to bullshit another 300 words. Soon was enough to meet new friends and greet familiar faces. I've found home.

Dinner was at Love Sushi. I'm not lonely as I wait ten minutes for Powers. I talk to the chefs and the waiters - we all know each other now. They wish me happy birthday again. I need to take everyone there for their birthdays. It cannot be explained, what they do, it must be experienced.

I'm happy and I'm home. And Powers is there, even though he's dog-tired. And I'm still in love with him, but I'm still so glad he's my very best friend. It's easier this time around. I've come around to the concept of balancing our friendship and my crush. It's hard to explain. The only thing I can call it is home, and comfort.

It's undefinable, this happiness. It's contentment. It's a day in the life of a Hobbit.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
22 October 2011 @ 11:43 am
Life has been particularly awesome to me lately, even before this whole birthday extravaganza of a week. I'm just so hobbity content with life. I think it's a personal outlook thing, but I digress.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I can't say enough thank you's to all the people who have been celebrating with me all week - so much food, so much love. And minimal alcohols. I think I call this success. I love my life so much.

My party was awesome. A few people were missing, but that didn't decrease the joy of having surrounded myself friends, old and new. Everything was so beautiful and special. And I'll remember most of it forever.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
19 October 2011 @ 09:44 am
Six years seems so long ago. And then yesterday, it didn't. Right now, waking in this beautiful new morning, I can feel that tidal wave of pain again. Gaining perspective as I move farther away from it, my mind and body tend to easily slip back into the pain. I had forgotten it all, for full two years after, I didn't remember a thing. I thought I was okay.

Janice Mirikitani's work is beautiful. The poem's speaker is likened to a bird, struggling to keep aloft in the sky, "on the ledge of my womanhood, fragile as wings (34)." She is writing to her parents, apologizing for shaming them. She compares her frailness to a conjured image of the son she wishes to be to them, "shoulders broad/ as the sunset threading through pine (10-11)," and her desire to be "worthy of work and comfort (15-16)."

At that point in the reading, I fled from class in tears. I wanted to scream at the voices - I am good enough! I am wonderful! I'm better than the grades I get! I was in fourth grade again, my parents berating me for my C in class. Not only had I procrastinated on a project, I did not do it well. Mostly because I couldn't do it by myself, and I wasn't used to seeking help.

I have to remember that all of this is past. My mother now only wants for my daily happiness, and my father knows that I am an artist. I am not my grades. I work to pay my own way to go to school; I'm fiscally responsible. I can handle myself.

And not only that, I know I can seek help. My professor pulled me aside after class and asked me why I fled. I started to cry again, so she had to prompt me, "Was it too close to home? Was it a friend?"

"It was me!"

I am no longer the fragile bird that fell to the ground. I have grown. My wings are strong. My parents love me for who I am, and now more than ever they are supportive of anything I choose to do. My friends are awesome when I have these sorts of meltdowns. Even friends I have just met - a classmate caught me between classes to make sure I was all right. Mei-mei encouraged me via text message, and Powers sat with me as I cried after classes. I can't thank anyone enough for being there in those moments.

I'm not alone. I am strong. I'm wonderful. I can fly. I know I can.

*Mirikitani, Janice. "Suicide Note."
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
18 October 2011 @ 10:55 pm
Do you like beards, goatees or mustaches? Why or why not?

Hair. Men must have hair. Everywhere.

That is all.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
18 October 2011 @ 12:16 am
mellow music+bedtime.
Scribbles the Book Loving Hobbit aka Rose
17 October 2011 @ 11:38 am
0701: Got out of bed.

0742: Dropped the kids off to school.

0832: Got in a very, very long line.

0908: Registered for UDWPE at CSUN.

1047: Got into another very, very long line.

1127: Renewed driver's license BECAUSE I'M TURNING 21, BITCHES!!

I'm pretty damn awesome. Also, I beat 3 levels of Angry Birds while waiting in those long, long lines. Next is homework, coffee work and then more homework.